An old ideal, for a new hope

[Andrias]

As others have said, the rhythm seems off, and the way it reads is choppy. Your point comes across clearly but too plainly I think, not very creative with word usage, you could be more, how do I put this, artistic? Like painting a portrait of war with words but doing so describing imagery, I feel like I'm reading something political, not poetry. Almost like a journal entry you'd read describing a day in the trenches, not bad overall, just too boring imho.