An old ideal, for a new hope

[ariii]

I would pay more attention to the rhythmic flow of your poem. Try reading it out loud and see if any of the lines sound stilted or awkward at all. I think you'll find several places where your lines can be revised for syllable count as well as overall flow. Also be aware of how the stanzas sound next to each other. They don't all have to be the exact same length, but they should sound melodic together, not choppy, as they do now.