06-06-2016, 09:30 PM
The first two lines are obviously what inspired you to write this. But after that, the poem loses its way.
The know/knows and things / things are pointless repetitions.
You've posted it on misc, so not looking to workshop. That's fine, but I think you can do more with the opener you have.
The know/knows and things / things are pointless repetitions.
You've posted it on misc, so not looking to workshop. That's fine, but I think you can do more with the opener you have.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe