Imagining Disaster, previously "Stuck," edit 1

[Achebe]

Stuck


Could I stick this way:
pen a centimeter from the page, 'centimeter' is an unlovely word here. something like 'pen stayed an inch above the page' is better. the two 't's spoil the sonics for me.
       poised –
       like a statue?

Could sap encase me, salty tears seal me? ....I like this line. I don't mind the 'sap' coming out of nowhere and not fitting with the overall metaphor of the body as a statue. This is a nice, punchy line.
Could I corrode like a rusty relic   ....dissonance sets in. The image that you are painting brings to mind saints' processions. Since when are the relics made of iron or steel? It's either stone, or a base metal (or a precious metal). But mostly stone. Even then, if sap has encased you, you wouldn't corrode. This line makes no sense.
paraded through the streets – 'Paraded' is a weak word here, very prosey. and 'paraded through the streets' is a terrible cliche
the patron saint of marble tongues? .....wait a minute, weren't you a rusty relic? see what I mean?
Would pilgrims pray at my pen,
       pausing –
       like statues? ...nice continuation of the train of thought

Maybe I'd stick like Zen legends,
mummifying through meditation,
becoming a picture – a pose – a piece of prose, ..."a piece of prose" is a nice stream of consciousness follow on, but makes the line frivolous.
my pen a centimeter from the page, ..bland repetition. 
       poised – ..repetition
       like a snake.  ...a snake is neither a synonym nor an antonym of 'statue' You've run out of ideas, and it shows

If I were you, I'd work on S3 and make it a nice counterpoint to the stasis of S1 and S2. Can you think of something that looks like it's frozen like a statue, but is all fire inside?