Baby's Breath (edit)

[DavidF]

Hi, I'm new and not quite sure how to start but I found this and I really liked the second verse. I would have liked to have read it first. I wasn't engaged by the opening imagery. And I must admit that as I read I find it hard to pace myself. That might be my problem. And I often find myself skimming over imagery which doesn't seem paced to me, I am a musician and sometimes a folksy one. I like 'rhythm in the air' when things are more folksy than modern classical. 

Sorry if that seems more like prejudice than criticism.

"Baby Breath"
 
Silver walls of nightlight,
shadows in the corners,
baby folded in the covers,
rhythm in the air, baby blanket
rise and fall, rise and fall over baby’s belly.
Rest.
 
All day hiking long hills, little steps
flapping forward, duckling
face, eyes squint low and narrow,
all the way to the top, three
tiny strides
to match mommy's step,
patting along the path
focused, determined, three years old,
not one wine or tear
in the sprinkling rain.
 
At night in the doze of the Shenandoah,
the wind blows inside
the forest whispering
to baby’s breath,
and from doze to snore
and breeze to gust,
cold clattering,
 
no more to the core
than warm winds of you asleep.