Baby's Breath (edit)

[Lizzie]

"Baby Breath" -- was this an intentional play on Baby's Breath, the flower?
 
Silver walls of nightlight,
shadows in the corners,
baby folded in the covers, -- I felt like things were going to veer off into sentimentality here.
rhythm in the air, baby blanket -- Rhythm in the air is unexpected, and I like that -- pulled me out of Hallmark.
rise and fall, rise and fall over baby’s belly. -- I would end the stanza here and omit "rest." It feels redundant.
Rest. 
 
All day hiking long hills, little steps
flapping forward, duckling
face, eyes squint low and narrow,
all the way to the top, three  -- I actually like having "three" hanging off the end there because it mirrors "three years old" below.
tiny strides
to match mommy's step,
patting along the path
focused, determined, three years old,
not one wine or tear -- did you mean "whine." I know I never have enough wine on my hikes....
in the sprinkling rain.
 
At night in the doze of the Shenandoah, -- I like the establishment of place with "Shenandoah."
the wind blows inside
the forest whispering
to baby’s breath,
and from doze to snore
and breeze to gust,
cold clattering, -- I'm not in love with clattering. I can't quite get that one. Although, I do like how it makes that cold stand out as unwelcome and alien.
 
 
no more to the core
than warm winds of you asleep. -- I can see that there's an ambiguity in this line. I'm assuming that it refers back to the child in the beginning. Just depends on the amount of mystery you are trying to cultivate.
 

I do agree that it moves slowly, particularly compared with your other works. I think it mirrors what it's like to hike with a toddler/preschooler (depending on how newly three the little one is), or that's my interpretation. And you're following the pacing of the breath, so it's like a meditation. 

I really like your work and enjoy how different each poem is!