06-02-2016, 03:25 PM
Hi, Todd. I'm very impressed with your connection between strength and vulnerability in this piece and could point out (at least) a dozen lines that blow me away. It's a great read! I see you revised for verb tense, so I'd like to pick up that thread from Leanne.
[quote='Todd' pid='211227' dateline='1464281265']
...Frankenstein’s Monster
clomps like me, and didn’t know is the shift in tense here necessary? the literary present could be used for shelly's character? also, the agency of the verb didn't connects to the 'Monster.' might it encompass the monster and the speaker (grammatically speaking)
that all babies aren't born by lightning.
...I start getting love letters;
that was the way girls fought. other stanzas blend tenses to a beautiful effect, but i'm not sure that same power is achieved with these lines; can one 'start' in the present, then reflect on the way is 'was' in the past?
VI. High School
There is a cure for me:
Saw through the femur, and re-hamstring great work here
like a guitar—a coin flip of normal or paralyzed.
I miss being able to hit someone. It feels like love.
Kid in a wheelchair tells me how lucky I am.
The freedom of not giving a shit
is like a flower that breaks through the pavement. i get the symbolism completely, but might the symbol more closely connect to the previous images? we have the imagery of 'braces' in S3, just as tough as pavement and more true to the poem. braces are iron or steel, braces hold up other things too, structures for example...ideas?
You have a gift with words. Thanks for sharing this. -Kole
[quote='Todd' pid='211227' dateline='1464281265']
...Frankenstein’s Monster
clomps like me, and didn’t know is the shift in tense here necessary? the literary present could be used for shelly's character? also, the agency of the verb didn't connects to the 'Monster.' might it encompass the monster and the speaker (grammatically speaking)
that all babies aren't born by lightning.
...I start getting love letters;
that was the way girls fought. other stanzas blend tenses to a beautiful effect, but i'm not sure that same power is achieved with these lines; can one 'start' in the present, then reflect on the way is 'was' in the past?
VI. High School
There is a cure for me:
Saw through the femur, and re-hamstring great work here
like a guitar—a coin flip of normal or paralyzed.
I miss being able to hit someone. It feels like love.
Kid in a wheelchair tells me how lucky I am.
The freedom of not giving a shit
is like a flower that breaks through the pavement. i get the symbolism completely, but might the symbol more closely connect to the previous images? we have the imagery of 'braces' in S3, just as tough as pavement and more true to the poem. braces are iron or steel, braces hold up other things too, structures for example...ideas?
You have a gift with words. Thanks for sharing this. -Kole
Thanks to this Forum
