Too Much Coffee edit 1

[Joseph Didis]

You have found a neat way of writing, it certainly catches the attention right away.
I only have a few comments below.

Edit 1 (was 'too much coffee')

Café Mania

 
Alarm clock ringing
out
first light

groggy                         groaning
foggily 
 
O.K.
let me              get
up
dressed     drive
 
coffee house                park    
 
            “I’ll have the dark roast please.”

Sip. Slow. Sip. Move. Sip. Go!     I think this could use some whitespace to make it seem like it is winding up.. maybe 1, 2, 3 words or something too. Or just no punctuation, not sure. Getting the feeling of going from really slow to hyper anyway.

And now it’s on with the day and I’m turned on full blast to dart to desks and race and dance trumpets ringing eardrum and skim time rushing and flashing precision like a laser on the screen and sprinting cheetah hunting paper work and heart pounding ten times the seconds to day shift done     I think a few line breaks would be good, it is quite hard to read this passage fast when the text goes an for the whole screen, mine isn't even that big. I really have a hard time following this, and had to read it a few times..this gives a manic feeling, but I think a few thought out line breaks would make it a bit easier to follow and it would make it read faster, which is what I think you are going for?
 
Until
night               shift
slugging       slouching with
another
 
             “Cup of dark roast please.”

Sip. Slow. Sip. Move. Sip. Go!
 
And now it’s on with the night and neon light buzz and I blaze through the night like a lightning bolt through a tree
and blare at the work like a tuba underwater and blurp blurping big bubbles[i] of progress    I liked this line as a reference for night shifts on coffee a lot..seems to sum it up perfectly..
then night shift done and then home for the night and that dark roast sure does have me awake and ready to blazerace through [/i](what now?) through my sleep time that’s what and I won’t sleep until past midnight which leads past REM and back
 
To       
wake               up
to         drink up
another day again
 

Nice work, thank you for posting it.