~Seeds~

[msredd]

~Seeds~
From a Guilty Heart to a Broken Soul
Inspired by Orson Scott Card, T.S.Elliot, and a friend of mine who called himself my poet.

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I'm sorry
Sorry sorry please I really like these 2 first lines, they seem very real to me? like something you'd say in a desperate sort of conversation
  Seeds of death within me dwell I wonder if you could expand more clearly on the seeds metaphor since you've titled your poem after it?
This silence, like a winter freeze
The sorrow of a broken soul

Your goddess 
Was created not
  They find their feed in happiness who is they? maybe be more clear about who you're referring to
To dwell above the one she thought
A flame that could not go amiss

That word I'm not sure if you're referring to a specific word here
With power to change a heart
  Their joy in my repeated pain
Innocent bond that ne'er would part
Το shinning screen, a hidden stain

My mind
With guns and knives it asks
  They grow in all I dare to touch
An empty soul, not made to last
A fallen world, not made for us
     ~s.a.

I think overall I'd say be more clear and specific as to who you're referring to and what you're talking about with your words? I wonder if you could include more repetition as you did in the beginning with "sorry," especially since the less formal tone of those first two lines doesn't seem to quite match the rest of the poem. I like the last three lines, especially "not made to last" and "not made for us."