05-28-2016, 11:12 PM
hi 71deg.
Not one of my favourites.
I wasn't sure about whether 'limited' was a type of birch. A brief google search drew no results. If used in the sense of the birches being limited by the boundary of the water, then it's confusing. IMO, it adds little to nothing to the image. Shouldnt' there be a full stop after 'banks'?
Because you had a sentence in S1 and sentences in S3 and S4, the absence of one in S2 is discordant. Also, the vagueness of 'small animals' doesn't sit well with the actual named species of the subsequent line. I mean, I wouldn't exactly expect to see a tapir in a Minnesota wood.Perhaps starting with 'wrens' is better.
Again, I'm confused by 'intrigues'. Does it have an alternate, little known meaning? Or do you actually mean 'irks the curiosity of'? I find the latter odd.
Don't understand 'all of it' - all of what?
Not one of my favourites.
I wasn't sure about whether 'limited' was a type of birch. A brief google search drew no results. If used in the sense of the birches being limited by the boundary of the water, then it's confusing. IMO, it adds little to nothing to the image. Shouldnt' there be a full stop after 'banks'?
Because you had a sentence in S1 and sentences in S3 and S4, the absence of one in S2 is discordant. Also, the vagueness of 'small animals' doesn't sit well with the actual named species of the subsequent line. I mean, I wouldn't exactly expect to see a tapir in a Minnesota wood.Perhaps starting with 'wrens' is better.
Again, I'm confused by 'intrigues'. Does it have an alternate, little known meaning? Or do you actually mean 'irks the curiosity of'? I find the latter odd.
Don't understand 'all of it' - all of what?
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe