Games

[Rogo]

Hi Rogo - a pun works only if both meanings make sense. I get what you were trying to do, but just as 'a den of sleeves' cannot be a pun on 'den of thieves', neither does it work in your poem.
A litany of woes is a song / dirge of complaints. You can have a litany of sorrows, a litany that's prose, a litany about your nose, and one that no one knows, but not one of throws!

You make a fair argument. The "pun" could certainly be strengthened, but I'm confused as to why "litany of throws" is nonsensical. Would you elaborate please? 

I apologize — I'm not trying to be difficult.

Hi Rogo - a pun works only if both meanings make sense. I get what you were trying to do, but just as 'a den of sleeves' cannot be a pun on 'den of thieves', neither does it work in your poem.
A litany of woes is a song / dirge of complaints. You can have a litany of sorrows, a litany that's prose, a litany about your nose, and one that no one knows, but not one of throws!

How about a litany of throes?

Ha! This is excellent! I hope you won't mind if I borrow it.


I submitted a revised version of the poem in the OP. I felt it was too plain, lacking more descriptive passages. I also tried to clear up the confusion of "screen" in the first stanza. 

At the moment, I'm attempting to improve upon the image at the end. It's meant to liken the feeling of powerlessness to that of a video game character who is controlled by a player. I also think that some of the line breaks might be a bit much. Any thoughts?