05-25-2016, 10:13 AM
I LOVE this poem's title! It's captivating and urged me to read on. Thanks for sharing!
(04-28-2016, 06:32 AM)Queerventions Wrote: Look! It's Anxiety!
I haven't actually spoken yet.
At least not aloud --great opening lines, totally captures the contrast of spoken vs. silent thoughts
But somehow we've already had a conversation.
I said things i didn't actually say
I did things i didn't actually do. --these lines spark my interest, but I'm not sure what they mean. Is it about people misinterpreting shyness? how might imagery strengthen these lines? what does this behavior look like?
And now you hate me when i really don't know. --I understand this transition from social awkwardness to people judging you for it. How might the transition smooth out? Line breaks? a transition of images?
Now I avoid you.
We don't make eye contact.
I can't speak to you for fear of your reaction.
All because of a conversation that we never actually had.
I'm paralyzed and restless.
Paranoid
Unable to think
But over think everything. --great wordplay with 'think'
I can't focus on any task because I'm remembering that time 7 years ago when i spilled dr. Pepper on my white shirt on the school bus. -I love the length and imagery of this line!!!! How might this line inspire revisions for other parts of the poem?
My brain tells me im being dumb
But my mind says I'm not dumb... but they think you are.
They think you're a tool,
They laugh all around you and just stare into your truest flaws. --I'm a bit confused here. Is the 'you' the speaker or those judging the speaker?
My time is done.
If you want to laugh and be happy you have a few minutes --this line is provocative!