05-23-2016, 01:25 PM
Cousin Kil: This is some top quality feedback here. Thank you! I'm an enormous fan of the Coen Brothers, and I'm ashamed to say that I haven't seen that one. It'll get bumped to the top of the list now!
You're absolutely right about the last stanza being childlike -- I'm not sure why I missed that before. Everything in the poem is from actual memory -- we'd hear thunder or rain and we'd have to run out to the line and grab everything as fast as we could. My brain must have regressed a bit, because I can see how the last stanza reads like a children's storybook rhyme. I'll have to give it some thought, why that stanza in particular would be so childlike when the rest is not. A bit stumped.
Now that you mention it, I think there's a scene in Wizard of Oz where you see the tornado in the background and the laundry in the foreground. I didn't know that was a popular thing to do! It's true, though: you have to pay attention to the weather when you've got clothes on the line!
I love your thoughts for a re-write. Thanks for taking the time to give a thoughtful critique!
You're absolutely right about the last stanza being childlike -- I'm not sure why I missed that before. Everything in the poem is from actual memory -- we'd hear thunder or rain and we'd have to run out to the line and grab everything as fast as we could. My brain must have regressed a bit, because I can see how the last stanza reads like a children's storybook rhyme. I'll have to give it some thought, why that stanza in particular would be so childlike when the rest is not. A bit stumped.
Now that you mention it, I think there's a scene in Wizard of Oz where you see the tornado in the background and the laundry in the foreground. I didn't know that was a popular thing to do! It's true, though: you have to pay attention to the weather when you've got clothes on the line!
I love your thoughts for a re-write. Thanks for taking the time to give a thoughtful critique!