My Heat

[justcloudy]

Interesting read. There were bits I liked a lot, and the theme was respectfully and tastefully treated, but the whole thing seemed a bit uneven to me, I think because, as mentioned above, of the quatrains lacking rhythm or rhyme-- I kept wanting to find a rhythm as I read. A restructure would help you get your point across with less distraction.

Maybe just personal preference but I think the capital letters at the beginning of every line aren't doing much for you, neither is the sporadically-absent punctuation.

Just a thought: "I am the man who was never young" might serve you well as the title instead of where it is.

-jc