05-21-2016, 07:30 PM
You would probably need to fix the following:
1. Quartrains without rhyme or meter. If you're going for free verse, mix it up. Otherwise, it sounds like an off-key song
2. odd expressions: 'thoughts at heaven's teat' (thoughts vs suckling - what's the link?) and 'remains the intellectual disgrace' - shouldn't that be followed by an 'of one'? etc.
not much to add, therefore, to mike's post.
On the other hand, the subject is interesting and sensitively treated.
1. Quartrains without rhyme or meter. If you're going for free verse, mix it up. Otherwise, it sounds like an off-key song
2. odd expressions: 'thoughts at heaven's teat' (thoughts vs suckling - what's the link?) and 'remains the intellectual disgrace' - shouldn't that be followed by an 'of one'? etc.
not much to add, therefore, to mike's post.
On the other hand, the subject is interesting and sensitively treated.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe