Drum practice

[Joseph Didis]

I like the poem and the idea. Execution is also good! I really like the beat that you manage to form, and it has a nice flow to it, my comments will be about when that flow is broken, with a simple suggestion on how to keep it. I am also not great with drum terminology, so I might miss some symbolism in it or say something that just doesn't work. Nice work!

Dear Ambrosial revelation,
Thank you for your very helpful reply! I really agree with your comments on the first stanza and I've tried to improve it. I also see that the breathing part is overused and boring. However, I like it in combination with the next line, and currently have no alternative. I could also not yet let go of "What is it that you do To get you through it all" line. I can let it out, but somehow I like the change of style, rhythm and perspective there. Is it really that cliche? I would love to hear what others think of that sentence and the place within the poem. I don't think I have a final version yet.
Again, thank you for your very helpful feedback. It made my first time posting on this forum a very pleasant experience.
best wishes,
Ivana

latest version:

Drum practice
 
Hit those drums
Beat those toms
breaking rhythm
Gets you calm
 
Pumping heart
Pounding bass                                     
Kicking those
Drum skins hard
 
Breathing in
Breathing out
Beating skin
Pounding loud
 
Get it right
Get it tight
Hit the ride
Right hand side
 
Toms with tones
trembling tunes
Skin deep darkness
Lighting up
 
Bells that sound
Carry far
Lashing and crashing       Lashing, crashing, wishing calm
Wishing it was
Calm inside
 
What is it
that you do
To get you
through it all       Broke it up to keep the flow..Maybe change this to "All way through" to make it rhyme but might feel forced..
 
Gentle beats
Deep kicks      Deeper kicks
Click tap         Click tap tap (if that makes any sense, really not sure what this means..)
Brush over skin     Brush on skin
 
Feeling loved
Feeling lurched
Feeling left
With better heartbeats

I liked it, thank you for sharing it!