Ashes of Our Time (revision 3)

[Todd]

Hi RC, I know her basic story but have not read her work. Let me try to address what you've written. 

You may want to pull the for Anna Akhmatova out of the title and italicize it below the title, just a thought. 

You’ll see my body, --I like these first two strophes. They sort of sit like a more intimate take on the poet's voice that sits around us now, before she goes back to live through the former days.
on ancient winds,
at the center of constraints
we knew as ours.

When I travel the road
lined with our testimony,--Optionally you could cut "our"
I trust you will guard 
the ashes I can't claim.--The diction here feels more formal. Consider making the change of cannot for can't

Survivors, now in different corners unknown,--The first comma makes this a form of address. I like that. She seemed to describe her own desire to leave Russia as if she would be a traitor.  Content question: would she care about different corners unknown if it meant geographical distance outside of Russia? If you mean the lost and the dead I can see it.
nurse the memories of bitterness we felt then. --I realize this suggestion will make this more of a direct abstraction, but I still think it would be better. I would suggest cutting of memories (those of constructions product so little). You could tweak it a bit with imagery to soften the new construction though honestly I think it would work fine with just cutting those words.
Weather now holds promises, dank cells held none,--I don't like the none here. I would consider cutting and breaking the line on held. 
only sweat, congealed blood, a sovereign despair.--I'm not sold on a sovereign despair. I think one more concrete thing or a cut would be better.
When you look at the moon you look into the future--Good break, and these are some of the more vibrant lines for me. 
we did not have. Let the moon circle you home--circle you home feels a little abrupt. I know the moon draws tides and maybe you can work something like that in. I see where your going and I'm not arguing necessarily for tidal imagery just something that seems to logically follow with the image. 
to that field beyond pain, wide open arms of a calm sea --Again this could be a style choice on my part but I'm not a huge fan of the beyond pain. If you could do something like what you do in the next phrase (personify, play with the image a bit) it may be more effective.
welcome you into an expanse unthought of for us then.

Remember metal on metal before we were fully awake 
there in the sodden keep, the thud and crunch, threnody
of soldiers’ boots, shouts, and fearsome cries of the tortured.--This is very strong building sequence which I like a lot. I especially like threnody of soldiers' boots. I don't however like fearsome.
Black Marias careened with its human load, destination death. --I like the line. Question: I assume Russia used the Black Marias term during her lifetime.
We dead met in the maelstrom to console each other, understanding--I think in the maelstrom weakens the line. We dead met to console each other is more arresting. 
that Russian speech, our only true homeland, persevered in our beyond,--This construction is a bit jarring with the two ours. I like where you're going with it, but feel you could condense a bit.

Only the dead smiled, frozen grim grins, chains finally unfastened.--Frozen grim is pushing the number of modifiers in my opinion.
Sentences, suffering, raised an epidemic of dementia among us.--this may need to be condensed a bit to give it more power. 
Our proud Russia could do nothing but writhe under the Jack-boots.--like this

You might as well have been a corpse when they took you at dawn,
I trailed along in mourning, over childrens’ wails, a candle at the icon of Mary.
Deathly cold your forehead sweat, everything covered with black fabric;--Deathly cold feels a bit cliche maybe Your forehead sweat ______ (some replacement)
there were no lights then, pure night.

Lev my son, I was seventeen months before the moving altar at the feet
of póker faced butchers, trying to get word of you. I saw your face
as it was there in Tsarskoe Selo, playful, so intelligent. Animals or humans,--something else that conveys playful intelligence
the cruelty was the same, the same unconscious thrust of menace. --consider cutting "the cruelty was the same,"

I am working on the annhiliation of memory, the discard
of all emotion, let it boil in its own useless juices, --for parallel structure maybe cut the of
then I'll pick myself up into the heights I remember as life. 

I am weaving a dark mantle to protect our memories. I remember the words 
you all spoke out of desolation, just as I have remembered your faces 
and each distinct movement peculiar to each of you.

I will remember this forever, even through new sorrows, it will be there, 
for me to return to when I want to summon you, my dearest friends; 
together you moan and scream through my mouth, I will be remembered in this way.--Might be stronger to end on mouth and cut this final phrase.

Erect my monument not anywhere near the sea nor in Litenyi, 
but there in front of the steel doors where I stood for hundreds of hours
and no one slid open the bolt. Where the shrill almost ecstatic cries of an old woman --for me this is either shrill or almost ecstatic but not both
still echo through us. I will cry icy tears from bronze eyelids and I will welcome the ships--Might be stronger without the two uses of will.
coming up the Neva. The Russian word escaped from captivity will last forever. 

This is a dense solid piece that covers a lot of ground. I enjoyed reading it and hope to see what you do with it upon revision. I hope the comments help some.

Best,

Todd