Drum practice

[kolemath]

As a music lover, I can relate to how this poem captures sound so well.  Thanks for sharing - Kole

Dear Ambrosial revelation,
Thank you for your very helpful reply! I really agree with your comments on the first stanza and I've tried to improve it. I also see that the breathing part is overused and boring. However, I like it in combination with the next line, and currently have no alternative. I could also not yet let go of "What is it that you do To get you through it all" line. I can let it out, but somehow I like the change of style, rhythm and perspective there. Is it really that cliche? I would love to hear what others think of that sentence and the place within the poem. I don't think I have a final version yet.
Again, thank you for your very helpful feedback. It made my first time posting on this forum a very pleasant experience.
best wishes,
Ivana

latest version:

Drum practice
 
Hit those drums - I really appreciate the variation in rhythm this stanza achieves.  In the first version, all syllables were strong, which
Beat those toms more closely equates to a fill-in than a driving rhythm
breaking rhythm in these third and forth lines, you switch to an alternating stress pattern, much more like a drum beat. Great revision!
Gets you calm
 
Pumping heart
Pounding bass                                     
Kicking those - Is kicking the best verb here? One only kicks one drum skin in my experience, while hitting the rest with sticks.
Drum skins hard Just a thought.
 
Breathing in
Breathing out
Beating skin
Pounding loud
 
Get it right - Here were back to all stressed syllables, and I like that for the sound of the ride symbol. Maybe work with less choppy line
Get it tight breaks to better capture the resonance of this part of the drum kit?
Hit the ride
Right hand side
 
Toms with tones
trembling tunes
Skin deep darkness - Why skin deep?  This feels deeper than the skin, as the soul is coming through
Lighting up
 
Bells that sound
Carry far
Lashing and crashing - great sound in this stanza
Wishing it was
Calm inside
 
What is it that you do
To get you through it all
 
Gentle beats - The poem shifts to gentle sound rather quickly. Might the intensity decrescendo a bit  more?
Deep kicks
Click tap
Brush over skin
 
Feeling loved
Feeling lurched
Feeling left
With better heartbeats - great closing line