Loathe

[billy]

i think you're beginning to find yourself as far as poetry goes LB

since your first poems you posted here your poetry as evolved. it now has more imagery. and less of the cliche angst. the new angst is more original lol.

i think addy has made some good points so i won't go over them.
the piece feels real gritty.

The back of me lines run around
hips long, gut overlaps
jiggles between my thighs
when I walk

while the 1st line needs some sorting i love this verse.

*****************************************************

To think men worship
What I am viewing
I can’t come to conclusion why

though addy asks why.
it feels honest and robust.

for me the last line should read; I can’t come to the same conclusion.

********************************

this verse again leaves something solid in the reader.


Self-centered and selfish
How they can enjoy
But, I
Cant
Enjoy or embrace what I’ve got

and the finishing. mmm i'm not as keen as addy over it but i think that's because for me the enjambment is all over the place. it just feels clunky for me. the content works but it needs laying down with a little more thought.

you're improving by leaps and bounds. thanks for the read as usual.