Somnambula

[milo]

For some reason I don't see this as incomplete like most of the other commenters and I thought I should say something. If there is any sense or feeling of being 'incomplete' or possibly better to say 'not ending', then I think it only adds to the whole scene and the trees that stand sentinel forever.

The whole overall feeling of the poem for me is one of terror of the unknown and it works.
The line 'listening for the unsound' seems to be the key to the poem, there is an element of madness in it like Leanne said, because of the way it seems nonsensical. I may be wrong but I get the impression that 'the unsound' may have not been understood by all who have read this. Perhaps if you were to put it in inverted commas or even italics it would draw attention to it more.

Having said that I am also starting to wonder if I have missed anything in those last three lines in, 'the quiet', 'the unsound', and 'the sand'. It's the last one that confused me a bit, perhaps a reference that I don't know, although I'm happy to see it as meaning, 'the passage of time'.

I meant to comment on this when I first read it, but I must of got distracted then forgot so I'm glad it managed to come back around.

Thanks for the read,

Mark

Thanks for reading and commenting.  As for it being unfinished, I mostly intended it to be written on a vine leaf so if that is the final verdict, I feel there is no real way to fix it other than throw it in the trash so I am glad you found some redemption at least.


Despite my better nature, there will always be a part of me that tries to sneak word play into everything whether it is impossible for anyone but the most extreme fantasy geeks to notice (ahem, Leanne) like drowse (drows) or the double meaning of sand for both desolation and sleep.

Either way, thanks for reading and commenting and for finding something worthwhile I'm it. I am going to consider some things to change before I relegate it to the trash heap.