whoa to wickedness

[QDeathstar]

Edit 1


woe to the suppressor of my dreams
woe to the demagogue who hungers for 
irrational human supposition
you condesate power
into a sickly saccharin sludge
and you spray it upon me
and it eats me
but woe to you oppressor
because awakened in me is the drive for freedom
and I will turn your poison back against you
and I will laugh
and you will corrode
like a rusty hinge in
a warm ocean spray



Original

whoa to the suppressor of my dreams
whoa to the demagogue who hungers for 
irrational human supposition
from which power is photosynthesized
and sprayed back upon me
like a cancerous toxic waste
and it eats me
 but whoa to you oppressor
because awakened in me is the drive for freedom
and I will turn your poison back against you
and I will laugh
and you will crumble like a thousand
pillars made of sand

well, the title is the best part. Keep it. It's pretty unique I think. The rest is generic rage speak against the man, whoever that is, we don't know... no one ever says specifically. I feel like any 14 year old with a bad attitude and funny haircut could write it.


eats. I think assaults me, would work better there. The images you conjur up seem to be haphazard and lacking a point in relationship to the poem. I mean, I get that you want him to rust,and salt water rusts things, but why the ocean? Seems to me acid can corrode and might make more logic in relationship to what feels like a mad-max type post apocalyptic industrial oppressive regime. But, you never say what is actually going on, so I'm filling on my own blanks.