05-17-2016, 09:41 AM
milo, I like this. In particular, I like your close.
So your first stanza is pretty, but I think you've composed artistry at the expense of clarity. I don't really know what you mean with these three lines. The first two lines of S2 are much the same. Bear in mind though the fault may be in my read.
Past these problematic segments I think your piece really becomes something special. I think you've captured something rare in your last line. I don't quite know what you mean, but it works anyways. That's some real artistry. I look forward to more of yours. Thanks for the read,
- Matt
So your first stanza is pretty, but I think you've composed artistry at the expense of clarity. I don't really know what you mean with these three lines. The first two lines of S2 are much the same. Bear in mind though the fault may be in my read.
Past these problematic segments I think your piece really becomes something special. I think you've captured something rare in your last line. I don't quite know what you mean, but it works anyways. That's some real artistry. I look forward to more of yours. Thanks for the read,
- Matt
