Coffee Pants

[Todd]

Hi Beck, It's a good practice to add edits to poems in the original post along with the original so that people don't continue to comment on the previous revision. That said, let me give you some comments below.

EDIT #1

What do you guys think?
I don't feel great about the second stanza.

Coffee Pants
A boy who can't walk without crutches
also can't carry a cup of coffee to his room
without spilling, 
all
over
his
leg. --I find this change gimmicky. I think it worked better as a normal line. The first strophe has an easy sense of language which you abandon in the next strophe. 
 
Despite the mishap,--This narrative transition doesn't work for me. It feels too much like a transition in an essay.
the dispossessed feeling of anger and sadness--You go off the rails here in my opinion. This is wordy and abstract. There's no power to it. Your word choice doesn't allow the reader to access the experience. This is shorthand for the experience not the experience itself.
he constantly feels--cutting constantly  would help. And showing us the feeling rather than telling us would make this more imminent.
is waning, 
and joy
is taking its place.--No sense of why this may be happening and without imagery it just reads flat without impact.

I hope the comments help some.

Best,

Todd