Melt

[Achebe]

Hi Leanne. A bit late to the party. Hope it still makes sense:

Edit 1

I don't remember how the world turned grey   ....'world turned grey' is a bit stale. Perhaps 'which yesterday' or 'when yesterday' or anything other than the line used would be better. EDIT: I'm thinking of the cheese metaphor and how cheese turning grey means that it's gone off, but I'm not sure that's what you intended to convey here. Because it'd be perfect to parody with 'the world turned gruyere'.

or why we stopped pretending -- just the way 
we twisted into text and through our phones ....'twisted and sank' is a strange combination. Perhaps twisted and dove. Melted into text and sank. Although the liquid metaphor doesn't hold up well against sticks and stones in the next line.
EDIT: I read about the Cheese connection in a post above, so in that context the 'twisted' makes sense, but cheese twists don't sink, they crack. Also, cheese sticks makes sense, but cheese stones? 

we sank. I sent you sticks, you sent me stones,
but hurled at walls, all things will ricochet. ....I like this line. 'Ricochet' is a smart rhyme here.

We drained her world of joyfulness and play
and as she fell beneath our sad melee
we argued about -- what? Libido? Loans?
I don't remember.

She heard it all but, mindful to obey,
she didn't interfere, just slipped away.
Please tell me how a penitent atones
for bringing forth the flesh and leaving bones? ....not clear about the metaphor. I assume flesh = the body, and bones = the body stripped of its flesh, of its life, of its joy. In which case 'leaving bones' doesn't make sense. Or do you mean 'bringing forth the flesh but raising bones'? I can't help but think of 'raisin bones' there, so maybe 'rearing' might be better. Then again, I might have misinterpreted the metaphor
The sun will never dawn upon a day
I don't remember.