Coffee Pants
#2
(05-15-2016, 11:05 PM)BecktheDog Wrote:  Coffee Pants
A boy who can't walk without crutches
also can't carry a cup of coffee to his room
without spilling,
all. over. his. leg.
 
The dispossessed feeling of anger and sadness
is waning,
and joy
is taking its place.
I like the title most of all.  The forced pauses with periods are anathema.

Your last stanza would be served better as a an image;  that's one of the things that makes things poetic.  The subject matter seems fitting and appropriate.
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Messages In This Thread
Coffee Pants - by BecktheDog - 05-15-2016, 11:05 PM
RE: Coffee Pants - by aschueler - 05-16-2016, 01:22 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by justcloudy - 05-16-2016, 06:17 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by BecktheDog - 05-16-2016, 07:03 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by dukealien - 05-16-2016, 09:03 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by ellajam - 05-16-2016, 10:44 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by BecktheDog - 05-16-2016, 10:53 PM
RE: Coffee Pants - by Todd - 05-17-2016, 12:21 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by aschueler - 05-17-2016, 08:17 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by BecktheDog - 05-17-2016, 11:35 PM
RE: Coffee Pants - by Todd - 05-18-2016, 01:00 AM
RE: Coffee Pants - by dukealien - 05-18-2016, 05:38 AM



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