Of Trailers and Torture, revision

[billy]

i originally wrote:

and when it does snap we'll want pics
a hefty write. as it was in a non feedback forum but as it's been moved i'll give some better feedback.

all in all i like the treatment you gave to the central metaphor of boobies [tits] it's done in such a way as to make the reader ask...do they realize what they're doing and because of this there's more of a titter factor, excuse the pun. i think it wonderbra. a really solid funny write.

Of Trailers and Torture



This Nixon-old, single-wide, yellow trailer good image of age and local it could only be the us of a.
we live in is an uncomfortable bra of a thing: bra sort of makes the obvious further on even more so.
its fit pinches us like a mean 6th grader. and so the metaphors/similes start proper.
Our belongings spill out onto the front porch, the double image is amazing brings out the smut in me or the reader.
exposed to the bare elements. a suggestion would be to use either exposed or bare to the elements
You could spend your whole day adjusting the flimsy screen door,
and the latch to the tiny shower stall won't stay hooked.
We smash our heads together as we stretch
around each other, twisting and contorting ourselves to fit.
The wiring under the house was improperly installed. what male doesn't love the underwired bra
Our clothing slips off the over-burdened dresser like too-loose straps –
it's reddening our nerves.
Knockers at the door wonder how we live here
with two small kids, the youngest still nursing. a great line that actually say more about the person than the tit.
Eventually, we'll snap.