Hi! I agree with the punctuation issues raised, but I absolutely adored this in every other respect. It wasn't clear to me as I was reading it that this was about a forest fire because I was reminded of this section from Tolkien:
"Together, my lord Sauron, we shall rule this Middle-earth. The old world will burn in the fires of industry. Forests will fall. A new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the spear and the iron fist of the orc."
Because I respect Tolkien so much, talk of falling forests is completely legit in my world.
I like the horizon-line bit as well -- it worked for me.
"Together, my lord Sauron, we shall rule this Middle-earth. The old world will burn in the fires of industry. Forests will fall. A new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the spear and the iron fist of the orc."
Because I respect Tolkien so much, talk of falling forests is completely legit in my world.
I like the horizon-line bit as well -- it worked for me.