Smoking Stupid

[71degrees]

New Version

I remember her plated, bronze skin. Plated? I get the idea of her defensiveness, or shielding, but the image of her actual skin being plated confuses me... I see the bronze tan, just not the plates. Could be missing something.
And when she talked about my soul,

how it was like a box of niceness, tied
with frightened pieces of cotton string.I like frightened. It makes me see frayed string without you saying it. A delicate line and stanza. Good.

She was naked and asked me for a cigarette,
like we were in a sexy movie from the '70's. Not as happy with this line. You've shown yourself up with the line before... Then again, I can't think of another way to say it. I would just think on switching it up, though I don't terribly dislike it. I just want more frightened pieces of string.

"Only for stupid folks," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Maybe it's time you started,"  she replied.  Not so much a fan of the rhyme here. To me, it makes the exchange of dialogue feel unnatural, fabricated, even though what you have your characters saying to each other is very good in itself

Been smoking a pack-a-day Old Golds Hmm. a pack-a-day of Old Golds maybe?
with thin lips ever since.

Nice way to end, also like the title. I enjoyed this one.

Things bronzed are plated. Maybe I don't need both. Will think on this. Thanks for the comments.