whoa to wickedness

[billy]

good solid edit. the end simile is much stronger, though it can be improved on. the woe's are also much better. though you missed the one in the title.
well done so far.

Edit 1


woe to the suppressor of my dreams
woe to the demagogue who hungers for
irrational human supposition
you condesate power condesate sounds like the wrong word choice.
into a sickly saccharin sludge just a little too much alliteration but great try.
and you spray it upon me is the [and ] needed?
and it eats me
but woe to you oppressor
because awakened in me is the drive for freedom [because] often weakens a line of poetry, does it do so here?
and I will turn your poison back against you the first [and] and possibly the 2nd in this sequence feels like filler.
and I will laugh
and you will corrode
like a rusty hinge in maybe [into] instead of [like], or you could just remove the [like]. just a suggestion.
a warm ocean spray



Original

whoa to the suppressor of my dreams
whoa to the demagogue who hungers for
irrational human supposition
from which power is photosynthesized
and sprayed back upon me
like a cancerous toxic waste
and it eats me
but whoa to you oppressor
because awakened in me is the drive for freedom
and I will turn your poison back against you
and I will laugh
and you will crumble like a thousand
pillars made of sand