A Way to Go renamed The Fire Cure
#4
(05-15-2016, 01:43 AM)bedeep Wrote:  A Way to Go

I want waterfeet
to walk this burning world
(where are the frogs?)

marshes seethe,  
sedges grasses forbs blaze up,  Had to look forbs up.  I wonder about this, you cover sedges, grasses and non grass plants...seems wordy
tall forests fall to fiery ground trees on fire might fall, but "forests" falling is a little awkward
birds drop sizzling from seared horizons Again close but you can't reach or drop from a horizon, although the sizzling seared part is nice
(where went the fishes, the cool mosses?) 

mouth wind-blistered
skin spark-stung I watch
as streams crackle and steam...

where are the frogs?
-- the frogs who call
the rain --
they are burning.  Poor frogs.

with little hope
I pray over my bluest socks
all night long and in the morning
put them on
still wet
and start walking.  Nice ending images;  disturbing overall.  Staying still overnight where there is such a conflagration is iffy, is there a safe place?  is that something worthwhile to incorporate if so? 

(Been a dry spell since NaPM; this was sparked haha by the Fort McMurray fire in Canada and by my blue socks. I wonder if my title needs improvement; they often do. Open to your wisdom elsewise also, and thanks.)
Reply


Messages In This Thread
A Way to Go renamed The Fire Cure - by bedeep - 05-15-2016, 01:43 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by Quixilated - 05-15-2016, 04:17 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-15-2016, 05:17 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by aschueler - 05-15-2016, 06:04 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-15-2016, 06:14 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by Lizzie - 05-15-2016, 12:38 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-15-2016, 07:12 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by Achebe - 05-15-2016, 07:35 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-15-2016, 07:49 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-16-2016, 07:50 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by Quixilated - 05-16-2016, 08:02 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-16-2016, 08:43 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by Lizzie - 05-16-2016, 03:25 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-16-2016, 07:04 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by Lizzie - 05-16-2016, 08:12 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-16-2016, 08:39 PM
RE: A Way to Go - by Todd - 05-17-2016, 12:46 AM
RE: A Way to Go - by bedeep - 05-17-2016, 03:41 AM
RE: A Way to Go renamed The Fire Cure - by bedeep - 05-18-2016, 08:30 PM
RE: A Way to Go renamed The Fire Cure - by Todd - 05-18-2016, 11:18 PM
RE: A Way to Go renamed The Fire Cure - by bedeep - 05-19-2016, 01:18 AM
RE: A Way to Go renamed The Fire Cure - by bedeep - 05-24-2016, 08:24 AM



Users browsing this thread:
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!