05-15-2016, 01:11 AM
Hey guys how about this
woe to the suppressor of my dreams
woe to the demagogue who hungers for
irrational human supposition
you condesate power
into a sickly saccharin sludge
and you spray it upon me
and it eats me
but woe to you oppressor
because awakened in me is the drive for freedom
and I will turn your poison back against you
and I will laugh
and you will corrode
like a rusty hinge in
a warm ocean spray
I left the title out because I still didn't have anything good and I am not sure about the sickly saccharin sludge. I like the "saccharin" but I'm not sure about the rest. Also does the alliteration work or is that too much? Does that last image work or could that use tweaking?
@Lizzie That was a great idea. So great that I didn't want to use it haha. It was so perfect that I just couldn't put it in and still call the poem my own so I had to work it another way. Also I read lady lazarus and thought it was great. What else of Sylvia Path should I read?
woe to the suppressor of my dreams
woe to the demagogue who hungers for
irrational human supposition
you condesate power
into a sickly saccharin sludge
and you spray it upon me
and it eats me
but woe to you oppressor
because awakened in me is the drive for freedom
and I will turn your poison back against you
and I will laugh
and you will corrode
like a rusty hinge in
a warm ocean spray
I left the title out because I still didn't have anything good and I am not sure about the sickly saccharin sludge. I like the "saccharin" but I'm not sure about the rest. Also does the alliteration work or is that too much? Does that last image work or could that use tweaking?
@Lizzie That was a great idea. So great that I didn't want to use it haha. It was so perfect that I just couldn't put it in and still call the poem my own so I had to work it another way. Also I read lady lazarus and thought it was great. What else of Sylvia Path should I read?