05-14-2016, 07:58 PM
Strange, I posted something earlier but it isn't here. It was of course brilliant and had the word ennui in it.
So let me paraphrase:
I don't remember how the world turned grey
or why we stopped pretending -- just the way
we twisted into text and through our phones
we sank. I sent you sticks, you sent me stones,
and neither of us watched the ricochet.
We drained her world of joyfulness and play
and as she fell beneath our sad melee
we argued about -- what? Libido? Loans?
I don't remember.
She heard it all but, mindful to obey,
she didn't interfere, just slipped away.
Please tell me how a penitent atones
for bringing forth the flesh and leaving bones?
Dear God, no words remain, but still I pray
I don't remember.
As I noted in first post that either got deleted because it sucked (possible
) or I forgot to hit save (much more likely), I was that kid at one time. However, a male version. Anway, this may have been you as a kid, or the Mom, or just an observer. Or fake confessional It's close to reality, figured I would throw some thoughts about the way the imagery comes across ==> mostly quite good indeed. I should have looked up the format you used but didn't, so I may have more later.
The title is weird.
So let me paraphrase:
I don't remember how the world turned grey
or why we stopped pretending -- just the way
we twisted into text and through our phones
we sank. I sent you sticks, you sent me stones,
and neither of us watched the ricochet.
We drained her world of joyfulness and play
and as she fell beneath our sad melee
we argued about -- what? Libido? Loans?
I don't remember.
She heard it all but, mindful to obey,
she didn't interfere, just slipped away.
Please tell me how a penitent atones
for bringing forth the flesh and leaving bones?
Dear God, no words remain, but still I pray
I don't remember.
As I noted in first post that either got deleted because it sucked (possible
) or I forgot to hit save (much more likely), I was that kid at one time. However, a male version. Anway, this may have been you as a kid, or the Mom, or just an observer. Or fake confessional It's close to reality, figured I would throw some thoughts about the way the imagery comes across ==> mostly quite good indeed. I should have looked up the format you used but didn't, so I may have more later. The title is weird.