05-14-2016, 09:17 AM
@Billy It was supposed to be about an American presumptive nominee I will leave unnamed and I almost binned it for being to obvious. Important lesson in perspective. And the title was crap your right I had to think of something as I was posting and that's the best I had.
@Leanne How embarrassing! Please excuse me I have not done any real writing since high school and that was about 10 years ago. Woe is me I suppose.... Photosynthesized doesn't really work does it? Maybe I can word that better. I'm a little surprised you jumped on the toxic waste cliche but not the pillars of sand one which I hated. But I do kind of like it, maybe I could change the crumble?
Leaving behind the angst is hard for me. I saw it listed in the "5 don'ts of newbie poetry" but a huge portion of what inspires me to write, and an even larger portion of what I write that I enjoy is about discontent. And if I could list a couple famous poets that wrote with angst but the truth is that this is all just for fun anyway. So I'm sorry, but you are going to hear some more angry poems from this young turk but I did listen to and consider your advice and if it makes you feel any better we both know you will be able to tell me I told you so in the future.
Ill re-work this over the weekend and update on Monday and thank you both very sincerely for taking the time to read my poem 1000 times ;-)
@Leanne How embarrassing! Please excuse me I have not done any real writing since high school and that was about 10 years ago. Woe is me I suppose.... Photosynthesized doesn't really work does it? Maybe I can word that better. I'm a little surprised you jumped on the toxic waste cliche but not the pillars of sand one which I hated. But I do kind of like it, maybe I could change the crumble?
Leaving behind the angst is hard for me. I saw it listed in the "5 don'ts of newbie poetry" but a huge portion of what inspires me to write, and an even larger portion of what I write that I enjoy is about discontent. And if I could list a couple famous poets that wrote with angst but the truth is that this is all just for fun anyway. So I'm sorry, but you are going to hear some more angry poems from this young turk but I did listen to and consider your advice and if it makes you feel any better we both know you will be able to tell me I told you so in the future.
Ill re-work this over the weekend and update on Monday and thank you both very sincerely for taking the time to read my poem 1000 times ;-)