05-14-2016, 04:57 AM
Clueless
Colonel Mustard failed
to dazzle a tipsy Widow Peacock
with the medals paradoxically
embellishing his dress uniform
or with war stories recounted
in a snide W.C. Fields drawl.
Triumphant in ruffling her feathers,
he drew a knife, carved a corpulent
slice of mutton and turned
to other delights.
When he stumbled into Miss Scarlet
in the ballroom, her purse coughed
up an unnoticed revolver-
eclipsed by his pot-roast belly
and her gravy-boat breasts.
Scarlet’s smile seduced
a ride home, deserting
her stewed escort,
Professor Plum.
Come morning,
servants found Professor Plum
in the conservatory
beneath the rosebushes
with Mrs. Peacock,
both dead to the world.
Colonel Mustard failed
to dazzle a tipsy Widow Peacock
with the medals paradoxically
embellishing his dress uniform
or with war stories recounted
in a snide W.C. Fields drawl.
Triumphant in ruffling her feathers,
he drew a knife, carved a corpulent
slice of mutton and turned
to other delights.
When he stumbled into Miss Scarlet
in the ballroom, her purse coughed
up an unnoticed revolver-
eclipsed by his pot-roast belly
and her gravy-boat breasts.
Scarlet’s smile seduced
a ride home, deserting
her stewed escort,
Professor Plum.
Come morning,
servants found Professor Plum
in the conservatory
beneath the rosebushes
with Mrs. Peacock,
both dead to the world.
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris