05-13-2016, 09:40 PM
Hello, Wjames. The poem gives a nice, familiar feeling that is nostalgic and familiar. I feel like I have watched your poem in a scene to a movie, which works as a positive and a negative. This familiar feeling makes the poem somewhat predictable. I would suggest considering developing your characters to add depth. This might take away from the brevity of your poem, but I think you keep the overall structure, while also giving the poem a new feeling. What if your characters made a plan to act on their feelings? What if they made a plan, but they just went bowling instead? I like your poem but it feels a little flat and familiar.