A key in the door

[billy]

that last line is almost beautiful Kieth. i'm presuming it relates to a violent man coming home. the problem for me it that it tries too hard to be just right, in doing so it sort of loses the power such a poem should have. is there such a thing as a half tasered tiger? you can create a simpler image, i also felt little connection between the first metaphor and the one in the second line. the core of the poem is good but it reads like i'm looking at it through frosted glass. i'd love to see it bare-boned and then fleshed out with relevant imagery. the last three lines are keeps and the four before those are passible, it's the 1st three that bugger it up. though i'd still like a little more context within the piece.

Angry as a half tasered tiger
his storm sets fires
only a roar can snuff out.
Covered heads go camouflaged,
inside our frozen forest
icicles hang like sharp teeth
until he falls, a drunken sleep.
It's then the sun rises tangerine
to warm the leaves, free to beam
we slip like otters into streams.