05-13-2016, 09:50 AM
I little into the 2nd half it is unclear who is being referred to. If it is the other person, it is condescending, if it is the original speaker it is nonsensical. Neither makes much sense. Using the first person narrative in this sort of situation is dubious at best and here instead of drawing the reader into the the poem, giving the reader something to care about and a reason to emotionally connect, it does just the opposite. There also seems to be an undertone, and this may just be me, that if I present this in this "sterile" (good word whoever used it) fashion, then they will not I am pathetic, like throwing up a wall so as not to be vulnerable. Whether it is personal or not, truth and vulnerability both have to be laid out there.
Best,
dale
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.