05-13-2016, 01:15 AM
For a time I was impatient with poems about poems and about poem writing. Then I concluded that writers of poems spend time and effort thinking about poems and poem writing and chances increase they might have something interesting to say on the subject. That’s certainly true with this piece.
Here I think the results are engaging, if a bit erratic. I was surprised at the use of haberdashery and the adverbification of the word miscellaneous. I was also surprised at the growling of the gazelle - I didn’t know they did that, and would have continued to not know that if I hadn’t read this poem. It is in poems that gazelles can growl and authors can posit new words and new word forms. The only strict proviso with these liberties, however, is that they must be in service to the poem itself.
Here, I am not so convinced that is the case. In my view the poem would be advanced by more continuity, perhaps metaphors carrying a longer distance in the poem. The first stanza suggests fitting or not of the pieces. Stanza two suggests pitfalls and pratfalls. Stanza three suggests the author is being hunted down. Maybe refining, extending, or blending the metaphors and images would be appropriate. The poem seems to be pointed the right direction, and certainly held my interest.
JMHO.
T
Here I think the results are engaging, if a bit erratic. I was surprised at the use of haberdashery and the adverbification of the word miscellaneous. I was also surprised at the growling of the gazelle - I didn’t know they did that, and would have continued to not know that if I hadn’t read this poem. It is in poems that gazelles can growl and authors can posit new words and new word forms. The only strict proviso with these liberties, however, is that they must be in service to the poem itself.
Here, I am not so convinced that is the case. In my view the poem would be advanced by more continuity, perhaps metaphors carrying a longer distance in the poem. The first stanza suggests fitting or not of the pieces. Stanza two suggests pitfalls and pratfalls. Stanza three suggests the author is being hunted down. Maybe refining, extending, or blending the metaphors and images would be appropriate. The poem seems to be pointed the right direction, and certainly held my interest.
JMHO.
T