Smoking Stupid
#15
(02-21-2016, 04:48 AM)71degrees Wrote:  Original




New Version

I remember her plated, bronze skin.
And when she talked about my soul,

how it was like a box of niceness, tied
with frightened pieces of cotton string.

She was naked and asked me for a cigarette,
like we were in a sexy movie from the '70's.

"Only for stupid folks," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Maybe it's time you started,"  she replied.

Been smoking a pack-a-day Old Golds
with thin lips ever since.
 Yeah know, I really like this. I actually really like the line "tied with frightened pieces of cotton string." What I take from this line is that this person, this "box of niceness" is afraid to fully show themselves, whether through social awkwardness or self-defensiveness so they feel seem bound by these things, these  "frightened pieces of cotton string."
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Messages In This Thread
Smoking Stupid - by 71degrees - 02-21-2016, 04:48 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by REW - 02-21-2016, 10:12 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by 71degrees - 02-22-2016, 01:29 PM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by Achebe - 02-21-2016, 11:03 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by RiverNotch - 02-21-2016, 09:20 PM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by mackzmike - 03-01-2016, 07:29 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by 71degrees - 03-13-2016, 06:11 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by jameso - 03-12-2016, 11:36 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by helenalovern@gmail.com - 03-13-2016, 05:13 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by Shrewbe - 04-18-2016, 04:31 PM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by 71degrees - 05-11-2016, 09:51 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by lr3ke100 - 04-21-2016, 06:03 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by justcloudy - 04-30-2016, 08:57 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by ellajam - 05-11-2016, 11:08 PM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by Jae Mc Donnell - 05-12-2016, 01:38 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by Cousin Kil - 05-13-2016, 04:00 AM
RE: Smoking Stupid - by 71degrees - 05-15-2016, 10:59 AM



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