05-12-2016, 01:38 AM
(02-21-2016, 04:48 AM)71degrees Wrote: OriginalYeah know, I really like this. I actually really like the line "tied with frightened pieces of cotton string." What I take from this line is that this person, this "box of niceness" is afraid to fully show themselves, whether through social awkwardness or self-defensiveness so they feel seem bound by these things, these "frightened pieces of cotton string."
New Version
I remember her plated, bronze skin.
And when she talked about my soul,
how it was like a box of niceness, tied
with frightened pieces of cotton string.
She was naked and asked me for a cigarette,
like we were in a sexy movie from the '70's.
"Only for stupid folks," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Maybe it's time you started," she replied.
Been smoking a pack-a-day Old Golds
with thin lips ever since.

