05-11-2016, 11:08 PM
Big fan of the edit. I like the slower pace and increased focus. I still can't quite wrap by head around frightened string, I like the box of niceness so much, I just don't get from the poem what the fright is about. Maybe in this version it will come to me. Thanks for the read. 

Quote:New Version
I remember her plated, bronze skin.
And when she talked about my soul,
how it was like a box of niceness, tied
with frightened pieces of cotton string.
She was naked and asked me for a cigarette,
like we were in a sexy movie from the '70's.
"Only for stupid folks," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Maybe it's time you started," she replied.
Been smoking a pack-a-day Old Golds
with thin lips ever since.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

