05-11-2016, 10:30 AM
I like how the last line of each stanza could be a poem all in itself. Not sure if that is intentional or not. But I can see it. I like it.
Are the three names really needed? I get the Alice connection w/o mentioning either her or the author. By the time you take to the "street" I have left Alice behind and am not all that impressed by your trying to connect me to the other two. Maybe I'm just not all that familiar with them to notice innuendo or reference (?) It's my opinion the poem can stand by itself w/o the beginning name dropping. Readers don't need to know everything. It can be your little secret and if someone says, hey, were you really channeling Chagall in there?
Love reading your stuff. We're all "mildly buzzed" at a young age. Especially when we try to fade into the seams of the big city. Some don't even need wine.
Are the three names really needed? I get the Alice connection w/o mentioning either her or the author. By the time you take to the "street" I have left Alice behind and am not all that impressed by your trying to connect me to the other two. Maybe I'm just not all that familiar with them to notice innuendo or reference (?) It's my opinion the poem can stand by itself w/o the beginning name dropping. Readers don't need to know everything. It can be your little secret and if someone says, hey, were you really channeling Chagall in there?
Love reading your stuff. We're all "mildly buzzed" at a young age. Especially when we try to fade into the seams of the big city. Some don't even need wine.