A Girl Through The Glass (edit #2.2)

[billy]

no idea who the 2nd two are
the title connects it well enough to carroll for it to work.

i enjoyed it ella but to be honest i felt i got a bit more yellow brick dorothy than alice. will come back for a few more reads.

A Girl Through The Glass
(raised on Carroll, Chagall and Steinem)

She's set apart, she's floating upside down.
All else seems right, a thriving farming town the 2nd part feels a bit like filler.
with goats to milk and fields of hay to scythe,
together animals and men are blithe:
a happy world, why does she tumble 'round? is she tumbling or floating?

Her feet sit high above her like a crown nice image. creates an oddity
but still a smile when turned becomes a frown,
why would she fret with such a peaceful life?
She's set apart like the refrain

beneath her house whose roof points at the ground.
Within the wedge split by her azure gown
her face is blank. Her empty arms are lithe lithe /wife might just make it
but though her husband's near he sees no wife.
Her head hangs low, in floods the first to drown.
Her part is set. nicely done



She has the strength to turn the world her way,
above the city's spikes her will holds sway.
She makes the scene her own and plants her feet,
stance rooted deep to guard against defeat;
she draws the bold to join in her soiree. why no refrain, i think it would add oddles

With street-smarts edging her naiveté
she savors life like slow-sipped cabernet; do they rhyme?
just mildly buzzed, relaxed but still upbeat. ?
She has the strength

to cherish but move on from yesterday,
maintain her joie de vivre, a bit risqué
but knowing when to be discreet.
Her husband revels in her grin replete
upon the bed she's made, content they lay
within her strength. feels like you tacked this on instead of thinking about a better line.



(An attempt. Both Serious and Mild critique are invited, critic's choice. )