~Seeds~

[Taboosun]

Your poem does not express any coherent meaning. Now, I'm not trying to badh your deeply metaphorical style because you can convey ideas and concepts metaphorically. Thats actually how most poetry is. I suggest that you work on writing lines of poetry tbat transition into other lines of poetry to get across what your trying to say. I say this because there are lines in your poetry that wtand alone in their own meaning, but when you read the next line it has nothing to do with the forever. Now in a whole piece of poetry I believe that it is necessary at times to begin introducing a new idea based on the theme. It's just here you see to not stay with one idea long enough about the theme of the piece.

So work on tying your ideas together into each verse. I would sparingly introduce new ideas, but I suggest you try adding in new ideas at different points in the poetic piece. Hint. The reader wants to be told a story and taken on a journey and they wont appreciate breaks in expression by stand alone praises that don't relate to the theme. Good luck. Improve on this one thing and that will be a big step. Oh and feel free to pm me some more of your work. I can give you more advice that way. And I apologize if my thoughts didn't come across right.