Habits (revision3)

[RC James]

Middle of the room, 
Stephanie dances around me, 
she mumbles: sickbabyrealsick,       much better with this spacing/removal of the quotation marks.
gottoseeTonynow.   

Her eyes roll and vibrate,              vibrate. good for what you're trying to convey.
as she spins out like a whirligig.
Through the window 
the sun bakes her while she unfurls.      

Pencil thin arms and legs,
flailing, obscure her figure.              I'd change this to: pencil thin arms and legs flail,/obscure her figure.
Hypnotized by the kitchen clock, 
she hits the door, and is in the wind.       as is in the wind? I don't understand.

I clench the sill, 
and watch, 
as she storms the old route,    good 3 lines
then I scour the dresser for change.     I'd expand and clear up this part. I got the sense from the rest of the poem that he wasn't in the same place as she is in this moment (regarding his addiction).  What about her actions and words make him want to search for the money now? Or is the rest of the poem misleading me-- is he on board from the start?
The coins jangle like a ring of keys 
in the hands 
of an approaching jailer.   Great ending. Image, resolution. Best part of the poem.

"I'm in the wind" or "he's in the wind" is an old street expression that means: they just left.

The scene where he starts looking for change may seem abrupt, but it follows on his watching her score and that tweaks his habit at this point.

Thanks for your look, I appreciate it, RC