These Things Pass

[tectak]

These Things Pass
 Hi dale, Iwas waiting for a response from you before I had a go at this one...I can't wait forever. Onwards.
My aunt Lottie lived to be one hundred and two,Period. An opening statement. Give it space.Purely for scansion you could drop the opening"My". There is going to be a lack of coherent (as in the phasing of light) in the piece and so it may not matter to you, but it does to me.
she drank her coffee as watery Start with a capital. It is a must, here. Again, drop the second "as"
as the eyes of some of her friends, "She drank thin coffee, watery as the eyes of her friends; same ratio as oil to brine we were sucking when the leases were closed down." The point is more "gettable" with less convoluted explanation.
or the amount of oil to salt water
we were getting when we finally
closed downed the oil leases,
precipitating me to leave town "precipitating me to.." whilst just acceptable is bordering on clumsy. You could say " ...precipitating my leaving town to live far away". Less is more? Just saying.
and move far away.
The next time I saw her,
was some years later.
She met me at the door unafraid,
(Thank god they'd taken her guns away)Brilliant. Brilliant. Veracity. Some may say drop the brackets in favour of the double m-dash. I could argue both ways, especially as there are not that many opportunities to double-m correctly. This is, I believe, one of those times.
telling me she knew what I wanted,
and that she was dialing 9-1-1.A pet hate of mine. This isnot a balance sheet so "nine-one-one"
She had been my favorite aunt, Still is, surely. Dead or alive
my only aunt really.
She used to come and take me
to the "Corner Drug Store"
and buy me tuna fish sandwiches
on toasted bread and a coke
mixed the old fashioned way,Methinks semicolon
but just like the Easter Bunny,
These Things Pass. Why the capitals? Did you have an excessof them?
 
erthona
 
©2016

OK. It is my kind of introspective, circumspect, pensive, pointless prose so I like it. The only suggestions I made are"tidy-ups". Some people like living a peregrination...wandering about snipping at the roadside flowers and crossing over with chicken's logic...so in that sense, you may totally ignore me.
Best,
tectak