The undoing

[Shrewbe]

I had previously posted this under "novice". However, I'd like to seriously work on improving this piece and learning more.



A thread so soft, I'd remove one of these descriptors.  Personally, I'd choose to cut "soft."
smooth, 
gentle,
coy;
unraveled.


Bit by bit,
fiber upon fiber  the repetition in these two lines doesn't seem to add to the poem
of velvety decadence. I don't love "velvety decadence"
A gush took it over
of the wind; disheveled.


With it modesty,
animosity, affections,
passionately fluttered. "passionately" bogs it down a little


On the ground then "then "
I saw what was left,
unraveled
uninhibited;
undone.

I like what you're trying to say with the use of "coy," "modesty," etc. but they aren't words used to describe a thread.  It's slightly unclear whether you're watching the thread's human characteristics fall (nonsensical), or if you're watching your own (speaker's) attributes unravel alongside the thread (what I think you might be getting at). 

That being said, it's interesting and fresh! I like it.  The last three lines serve as a strong ending.

Hi Laltieri0, thank you so much for taking the time out to critique this!
I will definitely be re-writing this keeping all the critique I've received, including yours, in mind, right after my finals are over.

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A thread so soft,
smooth,
gentle,
coy,                               I think that, throughout this you're making lists, of attributes or feelings, and your reasoning may have been that this would                                                           clarify but I think it confuses rather.  For instance, you use "coy" here to describe a thread, "soft, smooth, unraveled                                                             would suffice.
unraveled.


Bit by bit,
fiber upon fiber                          
of velvety decadence.                        I don't think you need "bit by bit"  -  "fiber (up) on fiber works for me. on rather than upon
A gush took it over
of the wind; disheveled.                      ..."took it over/ (of)? the wind  synatax is skewered


With it modesty,
animosity, affections,                       This and the final stanza need some more explanation. something's been knitted or woven and in the end it's come                                                                 
passionately fluttered.                       undone and the person with it, but "modesty, animosity? affections, seems an overload, choose one and expand on                                                             it slightly so the reader can connect.


On the ground then
I saw what was left,            Seems you don't need uninhibvited, the work is uraveled and it might be the pérson who is undone.
unraveled
uninhibited;                             Hope this helps, Cheers, RC
undone.

Hi RC, Thanks a lot for taking the time out to critique this!
It definitely helps and as I mentioned in my earlier reply, I'll be re-writing after finals end, and incorporating all these much needed suggestions!