04-30-2016, 02:50 AM
So Aidoneus thanks for the poem,
It read well enough for me except this one portion;
Gone from the eyes-(plural) of passerby-(singular)
Feeling of being a part in-(of)?
some worldly commute (,)? to escape(,)?
sordid (,)?sterile (,)? city lights(,)? has left.
This absence is invaded with silence.
The commas I am suggesting would slow down the read and could cause the poem to be more dramatic in it's feel
It read well enough for me except this one portion;
Gone from the eyes-(plural) of passerby-(singular)
Feeling of being a part in-(of)?
some worldly commute (,)? to escape(,)?
sordid (,)?sterile (,)? city lights(,)? has left.
This absence is invaded with silence.
The commas I am suggesting would slow down the read and could cause the poem to be more dramatic in it's feel