04-26-2016, 09:40 PM
You start this piece with a ambiguos question of which the reader may presume the destinjation of its answer will then follow. This starting formula is a bit basic, and needs more artistic ambience to draw out its depth or it just feels repugnant and contrived. The following two lines then lays out a basic setting, and introduce two characters. This is all starting to feel cliche, and feels more like an attempt at depth approached without true individual creativity. The three lines after begin with a run on, and attempt to thicken the story. The elements here poorly fit, sound like the beginning of a nursery rhyme, and read like some kind of attempt to reach creative depth by dropping a large word with a sudder simile. It just lacks artistic appeal. The last three lines conclude it all fading back to the characters disclosing some personal feelings. The ending here comes off like a typical yawn inducing prologue leading to the obvious with subtle failed attempts at creativity and depth through a basic set up and knock down structure.