04-25-2016, 06:29 PM
This is a poem I've already posted, but would like more criticism on. There is currently a poem on Eve's debate in progress. 
There is a movement to the universe and it is violent.
Animals share the same movement,
and in their innocence, ignorant of death,
live.
We were once closer,
but Adam loved Eve
in a land where nothing ever perished and his passions were created from his own flesh and bone.
One day Eve heard a voice,
“There is no betrayal in taking,” it said.
And as she devoured her vision of livestock frailty,
Adam, looked outward.
His herd was different now
a baleful daylight revealed a nature he had never known;
a place where every carrion had its birth.
A searing sun beat down on his back as he plowed and sowed
and he hurled his tools to the earth and yelled,
“We used to worship you, but our seeds forever condemn us!”
“Eve,” he said.
“The barren are useless now
and its bearers are even worse.
I am the barren
and you,
you
are
that which condemns man to be.”
“You covet the flesh
bleed like an animal
share their dormant docility,
but I have a voice within so grand
not even my anatomy can contain
and when it spoke it defined a new order.
We once lived in a glorious garden - the folly of an effortless vision.
But today we putrefy Eden,
for dust we are
and to dust we shall return.
There is a movement to man, Eve, and it is violent.
Women share the same movement,
and by their transgression, ignorant of its impurity
serve.”
Threads merged and moved to Mild from Novice for continuity/ Admin
There is a movement to the universe and it is violent.
Animals share the same movement,
and in their innocence, ignorant of death,
live.
We were once closer,
but Adam loved Eve
in a land where nothing ever perished and his passions were created from his own flesh and bone.
One day Eve heard a voice,
“There is no betrayal in taking,” it said.
And as she devoured her vision of livestock frailty,
Adam, looked outward.
His herd was different now
a baleful daylight revealed a nature he had never known;
a place where every carrion had its birth.
A searing sun beat down on his back as he plowed and sowed
and he hurled his tools to the earth and yelled,
“We used to worship you, but our seeds forever condemn us!”
“Eve,” he said.
“The barren are useless now
and its bearers are even worse.
I am the barren
and you,
you
are
that which condemns man to be.”
“You covet the flesh
bleed like an animal
share their dormant docility,
but I have a voice within so grand
not even my anatomy can contain
and when it spoke it defined a new order.
We once lived in a glorious garden - the folly of an effortless vision.
But today we putrefy Eden,
for dust we are
and to dust we shall return.
There is a movement to man, Eve, and it is violent.
Women share the same movement,
and by their transgression, ignorant of its impurity
serve.”
Threads merged and moved to Mild from Novice for continuity/ Admin