04-23-2016, 06:23 PM
I can agree with Todd about the contents of the poem. It feels much stronger, shows that the touch is something you can't live without. I love how you cut out "in the space", the word that a line ends on is always the strongest and space was probably the best one you could find for that position.
Moving on, mendicant is I think the opposite of space, it simply does not go with the flow, it stands out (sometimes a wanted and needed consequence, but you could do better), I beg, I inquire your love, anything like that would work really, as long as it's not a "big" word.
The last few lines are amazing, unlike many others I loved the contrasts. Big fan really, my literary teacher always hated that about me, but oh well. The last line I am not a fan of, it needs to be a bit stronger. I like "pray", it leaves a good message of wanting, but not having, however the phrasing could be better.
Kind regards, Igor.
Moving on, mendicant is I think the opposite of space, it simply does not go with the flow, it stands out (sometimes a wanted and needed consequence, but you could do better), I beg, I inquire your love, anything like that would work really, as long as it's not a "big" word.
The last few lines are amazing, unlike many others I loved the contrasts. Big fan really, my literary teacher always hated that about me, but oh well. The last line I am not a fan of, it needs to be a bit stronger. I like "pray", it leaves a good message of wanting, but not having, however the phrasing could be better.
Kind regards, Igor.